Category Archives: Health

Four Ways to Get Through Your Healing Process

At some point in life, you’ll have to heal from your past to have a happy and prosperous life. As you go through this journey, you’ll experience setbacks, newly discovered emotions, and fear of the unknown. There may be a period throughout your journey where you’re not quite sure what’s going on. You may feel uneasy and unsure, but that’s the time you should buckle down and push yourself harder than before. Below is a list of things you will experience while healing, but understand these things are normal and necessary.

#1) You won’t know where to start, but get started anyway.

⁃ The moment you decide you want to heel, begin the journey. It doesn’t matter where you are in life, career, money, or relationships. Those things could have an effect on you at the beginning, but when you begin your healing process- take time to decide which step you want to take first.

#2) You don’t know how long the healing process will take, so don’t try to figure it out.

⁃ When I started my healing journey, I had no idea it would take me two years to heal. But, here’s the twist. It took me another 3-4 years to accept my new life and adjust to it. My journey was hard, but I learned a lot about emotions, people, healing from traumatic experiences, and most importantly, I learned how to enjoy my life while healing.

#3) Once you start your journey, SET BOUNDARIES.

⁃ Have you ever heard the saying, “You can’t heal where you hurt.” This is a true statement. You can make the necessary changes to your life in the same environment that hurt you. Many of us had to learn this early in life. If you wait too long, you may miss your window. How we are raised or where we grow up has an effect on how we are molded. Anything and anyone that is harmful to your journey, you need to let it or them go. EVEN IF IT HURTS.

#4) Don’t decide to heal for someone else. DO THIS FOR YOU.

⁃ DON’T WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK OR HOW THEY FEEL WHEN YOU DECIDE TO DO WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU. Once you decide to change, many people will try to convince you not to in many negative ways. For example, they will stop talking to you. They will laugh and talk about you. They will try to make your journey harder for you. Don’t worry. The change you are making makes them feel less in control of you. They don’t like it because their control over you is what they depended on to make them feel better about themselves. Do you.

When I was on my journey, I’ll never forget asking God when everything I am going through would make sense. At times, I would get discouraged for going backwards. The most disappointing thing I faced was feeling bad Overtime, I learned to understand to accept it and move on. If I got mad, irritated, or angry, I would feel bad. However, this is part of healing from your past. You will experience emotions you’ve never experienced or haven’t experienced in a long time. If you want a new life, start your healing now. You got this. Write down where you want to be and work towards that goal.

Prosperity VS. Luck

Recently, I was talking to a friend who happened to be an atheist. Her outlook on life is” life just happens.” I responded with “I believe everything happens for a reason.” Both, her and I logic makes sense based on how we were raised, how we live our lives, and what we know thus far. After our conversation, I thought about if things really just happen or is it part of our purpose in life. So, what is the difference between prosperity and luck and will it happen for you?

Does life just happen?

When something tragic happens, we ask why? Why did this happen to me or why did this happen to a good person? Many would say, it had to happen. Others would say, it just happened. You can be a good person and bad things happen to you. You can be a bad person and good things happen to you. We are not going to completely understand why things happen, but how we deal with it is important. One thing my friend and I debated about was if it happens, then it just happened, but my logic was since it happened, it was meant to be for a reason.

Do you have a purpose?

When you wake up in the morning, do you feel happy where you are in life or do you feel discouraged? Feeling this way, no matter what age, means it’s time for a change in your life or career. Finding your purpose can never come too late, however never rush the process. You don’t want to be living your purpose without being ready for your purpose. If you don’t know what you’re meant to do in life, then I suggest exploring life (people, places, activities) to further your knowledge of the world and what’s needed. You can’t save everyone, but you can make a difference.

Why is life so confusing?

Life is hard. Life is confusing. Life is unfair. But, life is meant to be lived. Even if you don’t know what you’re meant to do, that doesn’t mean you aren’t supposed to live your life. Some people just live. Others, live for a purpose. So, why does it seem to get harder once you’ve set a goal? Here are the some cons of success:

Rejection

Copycats

Rumors/lies

Lack of support

Ostracized from a particular group of people

Betrayal

Jealousy, envy, and hate

Discrediting

These cons can cause you to experience the following:

Success anxiety

Fear

Rejection resentment

Imposter syndrome

What if the purpose you had in mind doesn’t happen?

No one knows if things are going to actually happen. We want it happen, we plan for it to happen, but we don’t know if it will. At some point in your life you will experience “silence.” This could happen when you have accomplished everything and you’re happy and this could also happen when you are struggling in life and are not happy. It’s called the “silent year(s).” It sucks, but this is the time in your life when you are meant to learn more about you.

How to Deal With Being at the Bottom

First, YOU ARE NOT AT THE BOTTOM. If someone makes you feel that you are or tells you that you are, that has nothing to do with you. They have the problem. People tend to put others in categories because they are trying to decide how to treat you. It’s a combination of fear, jealousy, and insecurities within them and unfortunately, people don’t want to see you shine because you have something they lack.

Remember, it’s not about where you are from, what you have, or who you know. It’s all about having the right mindset and pushing through challenges and adversity to reach your goals. Keep in mind, most of those people are living a pretend life.

Here are the top five reasons why people hate on you after failing to defeat you:

  1. You improved.
  2. You surpassed them.
  3. They passed on you, so now they hate on you.
  4. You weren’t supposed to become anything.
  5. You stepped away from the nonsense. You escaped and survived. Your haters didn’t.

Here is how to deal with not feeling good enough:

DON’T

“When people can’t control you, they “try” to control your reputation. Those who believe them, were not for you.”

“People hate on your ability to reach what they can’t touch. That’s not your problem. If they want it, they should work hard to get reach it. Just like you.”

“People pretend to support you when they feel they can’t be defeated or until, you defeat them.”

“If you live a life pretending to be someone you’re not, you’ll always have to be that person to make progress. Isn’t it smarter to be you and allow what or who is meant to be in your life, come to you?”

“What’s meant for you is what’s meant for you. No matter what others say, think or do, it won’t stop your purpose. Focus on you.”

“Having haters means you are doing something right.”

“Criticism is self-hate turned outward.”

“When they see strength in you, they begin to see weaknesses within themselves. Let them deal with that. It’s not your responsibility.”

“Fuck them.”

How To Live For YOU

You should push to live for YOU every day. Happiness comes from within, so if you’re looking for happiness in your career, family, friends, titles, etc., then you’re going to be disappointed all the time. Happiness is a good thing, but nothing beats being in love with yourself. Ten or twenty years from now, when you look at your life, being proud of your success and who you’ve become will be one of the most pivotal moments of your life- if you live YOUR life. The majority don’t know how to think for themselves. This is why you see so many people doing the same things. Why not stand out?

How do you know if you aren’t living for YOU:

Everyone likes you.

You make decisions based on what others “may” think.

You can’t think for yourself.

You have to be around everyone and everything all the time.

You can’t be alone.

You don’t who are or who you want to be.

You hold back because you don’t want to lose people.

You’re a follower, not a leader.

Living your truth is really important to your success and your future. If you are willing to accept what comes with choosing you, then my next point will help you get there. In order to live for you, you first have to think for yourself. Thinking for yourself begins with the way your subconscious thinks. This development begins early in life and is affected by your environment, your circle of friends, family, and experiences. Read my blog post on how to reprogram your subconscious.

https://myekajohnsoninc.com/2019/01/24/reprogramming-the-subconscious-for-your-new-journey/

What programs your subconscious?

Your circle

What you watch on televison

What you read and study

Your experiences. If your experiences are bad, to reprogram your subconscious, you need to create new and positive experiences.

Your words. “The words that come from your mouth, you’re the first to hear.” – India Arie

Your decisions

How you handle certain situations

Relationships

How you spend your time

Living for YOU requires you to be rejected and lose people in your life. That’s okay. This process is about you and if you’re the chosen one, it won’t matter later anyway. What’s meant to be, will be. Everyone isn’t going to like you or be for you. Whenever you are set to do BIG things, you lose those you love the most, first. It’s a test. The higher you go, the stronger the test. Below are two blog posts that could help you understand why this happens and how to deal with it.

https://myekajohnsoninc.com/2019/11/07/how-to-succeed-the-non-traditional-way/

https://myekajohnsoninc.com/2019/04/28/i-am-a-woman-and-i-am-in-leadership/

If you want to live for YOU, then Do YOU. Fuck what others think or how they feel. Most of the time, they are jealous. They can’t do it or are afraid to, so they try to stop you. When they realize they can’t stop you, then they copy you. Jealousy is real and people have done crazy things out of jealousy. If they aren’t trying to help you, then leave them alone and do what you need to do to have a great life and to be happy. You aren’t responsible for their life.

I Took a One-Year Break From My Career

I know many of you have read about Deanna Mulligan stepping back from her career for two years. She was 41 at the time and in the prime of her career. Now she is CEO of Guardian Life Insurance; a company that was once her client. What a great move. I, too, decided to do the same thing at 29. I was in the prime of my career, lived in one of the best apartments EVER, had a great circle of friends, and life was great. However, I was exhausted.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/she-took-a-two-year-break-in-her-career-now-shes-ceo/ar-AAICL10

In October 2018, I retired early from the company I started in 2007. Many would say that being able to retire at 29 is a great accomplishment, but retiring early was a much needed step at that time in my life. As a kid, all I ever wanted to be was CEO of a large company. I made it happen, but by the time I reached the peak of my career, I was exhausted. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Here’s why:

I focused too much on who was on the journey with me.

  • I felt like a bad ass owning my business, modeling, and acting in my twenties. I was living the life many people dreamed of. However, I wanted certain people to go with me and it didn’t happen. I felt entitled because I was the only one I knew doing what I was doing, so I tried to figure out why so I could change their minds. Even though, I was a confident woman, I tried to prove myself to the people who rejected me because I felt entitled to.

I tried to control my life.

  • One of the biggest mistakes we make in life is trying to control what happens. It’s a defense mechanism because we are afraid of getting hurt and/or failing. I had a goal, I knew the steps I wanted to take to get there, and I had a vision of how the outcome would be. I wanted everything to be perfect.

I reacted to everything.

  • If you didn’t give me my way, I didn’t like you and wanted you to pay. THE WORST ATTITUDE TO HAVE. The worst part about me reacting this way is that it’s not me at all. I was afraid that if the vision in my head didn’t go as I planned it to, that it was going to set me back or I was going to fail. My biggest fear was failing, but my definition of failing was things not working out the way I THOUGHT they should. What I wasn’t mature enough to understand is that even if things don’t happen my way, doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen.

I forced things to happen.

  • You were not going to tell what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. I was so determined to get what I wanted, that if you didn’t support it, you were my enemy. Even, if you had good intentions.

What did this cost me:

I put myself into debt.

I forced myself into depression and having suicidal thoughts.

I didn’t focus on the woman I knew I could be and wanted to be.

I missed out on opportunities.

I didn’t allow others to fail, make mistakes, and be where and who they are.

I hurt others.

I was angry, frustrated, and easily irritated all the time.

I became prideful and entitled.

Taking a break from my career and normal life routine opened my eyes to who I truly was and how damaging things were becoming in my life. It was bad because I was TOO focused on what I wanted and not focused enough on what I truly needed. Here is what taking a one-year break from my career taught me:

  • Just because you can’t do anything at the moment, doesn’t mean that your skills, talent, gift, and purpose go away.
  • What’s meant for you, is ONLY for you.
  • Jealousy and envy of what someone else has or are doing, takes away your focus on what is important to your purpose.
  • Life isn’t fair, but when you focus on YOU, the things meant for you will come and if it doesn’t it wasn’t meant for you to have.
  • When you rush things, you open the door for things that are not meant to be part of your life, and it could hurt you in the long run.
  • Life isn’t perfect, so stop expecting negative things to not happen. There is always going to be things going on, but how you deal with it is important.
  • Titles, the amount of money you have, who you know, where you’re from, how you look, how smart you think you are and what you have accomplished DOESN’T mean you will reach your fullest potential. You get there by appreciating where you are, those who love and support you, and taking care of you and what you have now.

“If something is not really given, you can never really have it. You do not really have love, when you force someone. You just have resentment. You do not really have success, when you force it. You really have anxiety. You do not really have respect, when you force it. You really just have anger.” Unknown

I was afraid and I allowed my fear to overtake everything in my life. I still have a few things I need to heal from and overcome, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t choose to make the right decisions. Now, I am back in my original career, I have a six-figure job, with full benefits and it allows me to travel a lot. I live in one of the greatest cities and I am happier than I have been in years. Most importantly, I am back to doing what I love. 2019 was one of the best years of my life and I am proud of the decision I made to better myself and my life.

Reprogramming the Subconscious For Your New Journey.

This is something you should do if you start a new journey that requires a new career or routine. Many people aren’t aware that our subconscious plays a major part in how we think, act, and live our lives. When we make a major change in our lives, those attributes change. If not prepared, it could be a rough start. The subconscious mind stores all of your previous life experiences, your beliefs, your memories, your skills, all situations you’ve been through and all images you’ve ever seen.

According to Wikipedia, Sigmund Freud first used the term “subconscious” to describe associations and impulses that are not accessible to consciousness. He later abandoned the term in favor of unconscious, noting the following:

“If someone talks of subconsciousness, I cannot tell whether he means the term topographically – to indicate something lying in the mind beneath consciousness – or qualitatively – to indicate another consciousness, a subterranean one, as it were. He is probably not clear about any of it. The only trustworthy antithesis is between conscious and unconscious.”[

Think about it like this: When driving a car and talking to a friend, the conscious mind is the one engaged in conversation. Our subconscious mind is the one who keeps automatically doing everything needed to drive the car.

How do you reprogram your subconscious if I have a negative mindset?

Life experiences: The key is to create NEW experiences. You do this by disassociating with people or things that created bad experiences.

  • Explore a different experience each month.
  • Talk to a different person each day.
  • Read a different topic each week.
  • Learn a different language.
  • Hang out with a different friend each time you go out.
  • Take a chance on something new each time it’s presented.
  • Have more than one hobby.

Your beliefs: First, understand what you believe. Your belief is YOUR belief. Even if you don’t always live up to something, doesn’t mean you don’t believe in it. Not everyone is going to understand and agree with your beliefs, but you can’t lose focus.

Your memories: Your memories are the base of your subconscious. We can’t control what happens to us, but we can control how we deal with them. Our memories come from good experiences and bad experiences. If we decide to look at the good, no matter how hard things get, our subconscious mind will remind us of the good things. This can only happen if you look for the good when things aren’t going as you would like them to.

Your skills: There is a difference between talent and skill. Each of us has talent, but not all of us are skilled in that talent. You have to practice, practice, practice…… This will help develop skillRepetition creates muscle memory. Muscle memory creates discipline.

  • Talent: a special often athletic, creative, or artistic aptitude;
    a natural ability to do something.
  • Skill: the ability to do something well; expertise.
  • Muscle memory: the ability to reproduce a particular movement without conscious thought, acquired as a result of frequent repetition of that movement.

Situations you’ve been through; Images you’ve seen: When we go through things, the images of that experience begins to develop in our subconsciousness. This is what develops your subconscious. No matter what you’ve gone through in your past, you need to reprogram your subconscious to develop healing, growth, maturity, positive thinking, and confidence. We can’t avoid offense in life, but we can forgive and move on. If you are someone who grew up in a negative household, had negative parents and family members, and a negative environment, YOU CAN DO THIS. It may take longer, but it is possible. If things are beginning to go wrong, YOU CAN DO THIS. Train your subconscious to produce positivism NOW. You will begin to view your circumstances or situations differently. Reprogramming your subconscious begins with your decision to make a positive change in your life. YOU CAN DO IT.