How To Succeed The Non-Traditional Way

Tradition is really important in most families. There are many traditions that most people follow is society today that others don’t understand or believe in. Family and friends think you’re supposed to follow a specific plan to reach your goals. Go to college, get your dream job, get married and then, start a family. It’s called the “traditional” way. When others see you’ve followed this plan and succeeded, they look at you as successful. When you don’t, they look at you like the person who needs to get their life together.” Even if you succeed following your own plan, it’s not good enough. Do you feel this way? It’s okay that you do because this is a real thing and it happens to a lot of people. You’re not alone. People don’t approve that you live your life in a non-traditional way, because they don’t know how. You don’t have to feel bad that you didn’t follow their way.

Many people are afraid to fail because they think others will only remember their failures. Unfortunately, this is true. As you live your life, you will fail at things and succeed in others. People who believe in the traditional way of living will see your failures first. Here are three reasons why:

They expected something different from you, so now they feel some type of way. They also feel this way when you succeed, especially, if they didn’t expect for you to.

They once failed at the same thing and never bounced back, so they are trying to figure out how you did it. Them not knowing how you did so can lead to them being angry and/or jealous of you.

F.O.M.O (fear of missing out). We have all witnessed someone who was at the top of their game and then, one day they said or did something “wrong.” As a result, they lost their position, lost some of their friends and people stopped “dealing” with them. Those friends who stopped dealing with them most likely felt they would be dismissed if they continued to socialize with that person. Before you admire someone who is at the top, be knowledgeable of what they did to get there because they could have made decisions based on F.O.M.O. Keep in mind that what you did to get to where you are is what you’ll have to maintain to stay there.

Another non-traditional way of living is choosing not to go with the flow. I’ve always felt that people who go with the flow out of fear of losing status or friends are weak. Reality is, they are. Many people are afraid to believe in something or live a certain lifestyle because they feel if they do, they would “lose” something or be labeled as someone or something that’s not approved by the majority. Have you ever noticed how someone won’t stop being friends with someone because they fear if they do, others will choose the friend instead of them and then, they will be alone? Even if the person is toxic. What about if they choose to stop being their friend, that friend may reveal their secrets? Unfortunately, it happens, but it’s better to not be trapped in a life you aren’t happy with to please others. Loneliness is hard and it can be dangerous if you don’t teach yourself how to be alone. This isn’t a reason not to live the life you choose, even if you do it alone.

Here are ways to succeed the non-traditional way:

Have a plan and stick to it. If you know what you want to do, you will live the life that best fits that plan. This is when others feel you are living non-traditionally because they don’t understand or they can’t do it. Well, it is a non-traditional way because it’s not the way they were taught to do something so they believe it is wrong.

Don’t get distracted when people stop supporting you. Yes, it hurts. It doesn’t make sense and you want to know why. However, don’t waste time trying to figure out why they left your life. Instead, look at it as they weren’t meant to be there. If they are meant to be there, they will return somehow, some way.

Rejection. This is the biggest struggle of choosing to live for you and no one else. If you choose a non-traditional way to live, you will get rejected a lot. I mean, a lot. Rejection doesn’t suck. The feeling of being rejected sucks. After so many times of being rejected, many people give up. Those are the people who move back home, start being friends with toxic people to fit in or begin to make unwise decisions to please others because of the fear of missing out. You will have to deal with this. It’s inevitable.

My advice to you is to understand and accept that things happen in life we can’t control, but we can control how we react to them. One of my biggest issues in my 20s is my reaction to many of the things that happened to me. I was angry, frustrated, and disappointed because I didn’t know what I know now. I didn’t grow up in a traditional household and I didn’t have anyone in my life that reached the level of success I was aiming for. So, I didn’t have someone to show me the way. However, I had a goal and I did what I needed to do to reach that goal. It worked. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. Keep your head up. Living a non-traditional way doesn’t mean you are a failure. It means that you are brave. You got this.

Traveling In Your Twenties; Tips and Ideas

Traveling is fun. It’s that time in your life where you can get away from your every day routine. Most people travel once a year with family and friends and others travel routinely for work. I traveled a lot in my twenties. Whether it was for work or for leisure, I enjoyed traveling to different places. I met awesome people and learned a lot about other cultures.

Where do you live currently: Manhattan, New York

How many states have you visited? 28-30 states

How many countries have you visited? 7

What is your favorite pastime when traveling? I buy a pair of shoes every time I travel. I also visit a new coffee shop.

How many times have you flown on a plane? 18-20 times

How many languages did you learn while traveling? 2, Spanish and Japanese

How many beaches have you visited? 8-10 beaches

How many of your trips were cruises? 2

Were any of your trips via train? Yes

Have you ever taken a road trip? Yes! My longest road trip was from South Carolina to Los Angeles, California.

How do you prefer to travel? Car, plane, train, or cruise? I would rather travel via car. I like long road trips while listening to my favorite music.

Do you travel solo or with someone? I would rather travel solo, but I have traveled with friends and family.

Here I am in Tokyo, Japan for my 23rd Birthday. Iā€™m standing at the top of the Tokyo Towel.

Tips and Ideas

1)Traveling is expensive, so make sure you save up for your trip. When saving up for a trip, save for the following:

  • Plane ticket (don’t forget luggage fees) and hotel (don’t forget the $50 holding fee)
  • Food and beverages
  • Leisure activities
  • Shopping
  • Taxes and additional fees
  • Emergency money

*while saving, include money for your bills and other responsibilities šŸ˜‰

2) Learn basic words in their language. This will come in handy if you get lost or have an emergency. Also, many people in other countries don’t communicate like you, so learning how to communicate how you would like to be accommodated is important.

3) Research the laws in other countries. The worst thing to happen in another country is to break a law and be put in jail for something you didn’t understand.

4) Convert your money. Most airports have a money exchange area. Visit it before you get on the plane to your destination.

5) Decide if you are traveling solo or with someone.

6) Make sure your passport is up-to-date. If you don’t have one, purchase one or two months in advance. It could take up to a month to arrive in the mailbox or local post office.

7) Have fun and meet new friends. :-)!

In Demand and on The Go!

I’ve been on the move since mid-May. After retiring as CEO, my focus became becoming a doctor. For the past two months, I’ve been on the go. In May, I was asked to move to New York City to take over a fitness franchise. I was ecstatic. However, I had a week to pack my things in North Carolina and move to New York. I drove back to North Carolina, packed what I could, and moved to New York. I had no idea where I would live, how bad the traffic would be, and how expensive things would cost me in New York. Luckily, I’ve been in situations like this before, so I had an idea on what to do. I want to share tips and ideas for last-minute career changes and how to balance your money, time, and career while living it up in a new city.

What do I do if I need to move and begin working ASAP?

Find new friends prior to moving.

  • Social media can help you socialize with people all over the world. I’ve always been a sociable person so connecting with New Yorkers was easy. The number one thing I looked for when looking for new friends was career related attributes. I am businesswoman, future doctor, model, actress, and head of a fitness company. I took in all of those perspectives and made new friends ASAP.

Where do I live?

  • Find a nice Airbnb or hotel to sleep for at least a week or two. For that time, you’ll have a guaranteed place to shower, eat, get work done and come back to after work. If you need more than two weeks, some Airbnbs will allow you to do a short-term 3 -6 month stay. Hotels are a little expensive, so your best bet is to stay at an Airbnb or ask a friend if you could crash with them.

How do I spend money?

  • Set aside money for food, essentials, commute, tolls, Uber, etc., because when you are in a rush you spend as you go. After a while, the money beings to add up. Create a budget for the first three months of your new move. The first three months are always the most expensive. Your budget should include:
  • Food (include tip money)
  • Travel (gas/toll/Uber)
  • Hotel/Airbnb
  • Emergency cash
  • Personal and hygiene
  • Laundry
  • Groceries
  • Entertainment (shopping/going out)

How do I travel and move at the same time?

  • Pack a traveling suitcase. Even after I moved to New York, I was traveling out of state for work. I packed one suitcase with selective outfits. I packed another with all skincare and hygiene products. I put all of my office supplies and materials were put in an open, untapped box so I would have easy access to them. I packed the rest of my things into boxes. I traveled with the same suitcases and box for a week. Luckily for me, I was able to find an Airbnb they extended my stay for six months. I unpacked my car and put everything in the house. Everything is still in boxes and will resume there until I find my own place.
  • Find a storage location near where you’ll be living. Pay for it and set it up before you hit the road. Fit what you can in your car. If you are bringing a lot of things with you to a new city, you can have everything shipped to your storage prior to moving (really expensive) or you can rent a U-Haul and tow your car.

What are some tools I can use to make my move easier?

Apps:

Airbnb – Finding a place to live.

Google Maps, Apple Maps, or Wase – Finding your way around.

Postmates, Grubhub, or Uber Eats – To order food.

Google Translate – To translate another language

USPS – To quickly change your address and track your packages.

ParkWhiz – To find cheap and convenient parking.

Toll Calc – To determine the amount you’ll pay before taking a specific route that requires a toll.

EzPass – A quick and easy way to get through tolls faster. Using a EZPass gets you discounts. The discounts are based on the city your travelin in.

I Am a Woman and I Am in Leadership!

One of the topics we are studying this semester is biasness. Our debate is on whether we make decisions based on what we know or what we don’t know; our biasness. As a leader, is being biased good or bad? There are three reasons why someone would be biased towards me. I’m black, I’m a woman, and I’m young. Some would say thirty isn’t young, but in the corporate world, a thirty-year-old lacks experience, toughness, and direction.

In my past careers, I was in the Marine Corps. At a time in my career, I was a platoon leader of forty-seven Marines. Three females and forty-two males. After the military, I was CEO of a business consulting firm with six locations in four cities. Now, I am the Assistant General Manager of a fitness franchise and will soon move into the Operations Manager position. The toughest challenge in all positions is being considered “emotional” when I express how I feel. I’m often asked, “Is this an emotional decision,” when I give feedback or pitch an idea. I’m looked at as the “black woman” if I show any form of aggression. When I mention anything lifestyle related to my older superiors, it’s considered “a young thing.”

Here are four keys to overcoming biasness in the workplace.

  1. Know your talents and skills. Find your niche.

My niche is business. Many of us discover our talents at a young age. I’ve always known I would be a successful businesswoman. I studied successful entrepreneurs like Oprah and Bill Gates. I read Forbes magazine religiously. I discovered I was good at business when I created Bird’s Basketball Tournament. It was the beginning of MJ’s Be YOU LLC. I hosted my first event on April 7th, 2007 while I was a senior in high school. It was a 5 on 5 basketball tournament. The winning team received a trophy and a cash prize. The event was open to the community. Friends, family, and classmates participated. My principle, a few of my teachers, basketball coaches, and teammates also participated. I did the marketing, fundraising, advertising, and organization for the event. It was a successful event. That was the day I discovered my talent and learned of my many skills. I was a businesswoman.

2. Know who and what you want to be in the future.

Believe it or not, I didn’t get anything I wanted in my twenties. I created an entire life plan for my twenties. The things that actually happened to me in my twenties were the total opposite of what I had planned. However, I did accomplish my career goals. I made decisions based on what I needed to do to accomplish the goals I had set for my life. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. There are so many lessons I learned from it all, but most importantly, I discovered who I am as a person and who I wanted to be in my thirties.

3. Understand that where you are right now doesn’t determine who you’ll become.

Social media will have you feeling like you are behind. It’ll also make you feel like you are a failure. You should never compete with others. Basing your timeline on someone else’s will only distract you. There are many success stories that started with no money, in poverty, and lack of support. Moral of the story; they made it.

4. Some things are inevitable, but that’s life.

Guess what? Things happen and there is nothing you can do about it. It’s called life. You lose money, fail at something, go through a breakup, or get fired. It happens. Yes, it sucks and you wonder “why me.”Earlier, I mentioned I didn’t get anything I wanted in my twenties, but I reached my goals. Just because it happened to you, doesn’t mean you can’t become who or what you want to be.

Here are 10 ways to limit your distractions

  • Have a positive circle of friends, family, and supporters.
  • Reflect and meditate.
  • Stick to your routine.
  • Pray
  • Celebrate and reward the small things.
  • Forgive and move on.
  • Be humble and patient.
  • Don’t try to control everything BECAUSE you can’t.
  • Don’t judge, be nice.
  • Focus on one thing at a time.

CEO~USMC Vet~Future Doctor